I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize