More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
