:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
