You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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