Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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