I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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