Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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