I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
