Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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