Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
