somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I still have a little drunk in my system
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
