totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
