She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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