Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
