Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
