dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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