my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
