I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
