It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
