ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you never un-have a 4some
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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