So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
