i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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