god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
