Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
