One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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