who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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