I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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