and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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