maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
