were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
