Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
