don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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