so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
4 words: hood of his car
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
