Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
