I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
