It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
