We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
