R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
