listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My feet surprised me
Randomize
