Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
