Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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