I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
