Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
