I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
