sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
