If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
