Got a toothbrush?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
