I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
