bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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