I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
