He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
