omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
