At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
