I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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