She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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