I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
