So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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