you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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