I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
