I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
