remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
