What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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