Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had sex on a roof
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
