Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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