I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
