She is in my trunk
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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