We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
