she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
