ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
