Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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