I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
