His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
