there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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