Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
